Past Lives-Celine Song

For writers who love to wander and spend time in the infinite playground of the mind, one of the favorite monkey bars to swing around on is fate.

Are we where we are supposed to be in this flowing river of life?

What could be different had we done this, that, or any interchangeable number of things?

In real life, these ponderings can relentlessly hammer at the soul if you let it chisel away unabated. A lot of times grinding our consciousness to the point that nothing remains but dust—which collects in torpor-ridden faces tucked away into the darkness of corner taverns and strip clubs.

When I was living a Godless life, I used to consider the options of the past—when I had forsaken the proper path that was in alignment with the Almighty in preference for the shorter route to temporary pleasures—and would let it get to me. Leaving a potent sting in its wake.

But, speaking strictly from personal experience, I have learned to embrace the mistakes of my past and come to terms of peace with them. Every blemish that could be helped, but was bypassed in favor of what was knowingly wrong, in my opinion, happens by design. I found that, if by looking at the past and recognizing the multitude of screw-ups that I had accumulated with an honest eye and understanding, that, they are not unique to myself alone, but, rather, exist without prejudice across the landscape of human nature, and I sought to gain from what I lost by learning through a lens that evaluates without bias, and found that life can truly grow and blossom into something beautiful.

This tangent, while in the ballpark of fate, is not related to the aspect of the story that Past Lives is written from, I will bring it home to something personal that happened to me which does correlate a bit more closely to the film that Celine Song directed.

In May of 2012, I was living in Pittsburgh and in a loose "relationship" with a wonderful woman who was 13 years my senior. When I say loose, I suppose it means that, with the absence of sitting down to establish what we were at the time, we weren't mutually exclusive, but, on the same token, were not dating other people. Nevertheless, we slept together and were in one another's company to the point that there weren't any opportunities to go out on dates with other people anyway. We basked together in the mutual fulfillment of one another's presence at what felt like a steady-flowing apex. We laughed together. Ate together. Laid around watching History documentaries like "The Hatfields & McCoy's" and upon the rare occasions we were both off we would go out on the town. In hindsight, I think it would be safe to say that I loved her at the time. When we would be laying around just chatting, it never felt like we searched for things to talk about and it was as if the anxieties and pressures of everyday life were light years away and all that mattered in the universe was lying down with her head on my shoulder and her leg across my stomach while I drew in gulps of her fragrance in my nostrils and exhaled euphoria with every breath.

This was one amazing slice of life.

It was at the beginning of June that Cleveland opened their casino and I gained the opportunity to finally come home. An opportunity that I took.

The day of my interview, when I learned that I had gotten the job, was when I called her from Cleveland to let her know that I would be leaving Pittsburgh for good in two weeks.

Her reaction was a bit more tempered than what I had expected, but I suppose you can reduce this to the facts of life which were that she was 40 at the time and an experienced veteran in the battlefield of emotions. Also in that, I made it no secret that I was toying with coming back home.

A week later, after the dust had sufficiently settled, I came over to visit on her night off and we talked a bit further about where things would go with us and she gave me one of the greatest and most honest conversations I have ever had with someone I was intimate with. The words she spoke came from a voice of experience and I think that by the time she was done, we both knew and were content with where things were headed. A simple closing on a really small time together where the highs drastically outweighed the lows.

"Of course, I'm sad that you are leaving. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. But, at the same time, it would also be extremely petty and selfish of me guilt-tripping you into staying here and bypassing your dream job for something that probably won't work."

"How do you know it won't work though?"

"Because you're 27, OK, about to be 28. So let's just say that you're 30. Even so, you haven't even gotten a sniff of what life has to offer yet. Now, that's not a knock on you for being young. On the contrary, you're more mature than most guys at my age. But what I mean by it is, that, eventually, you're going to come to want and expect things from me that I cannot and will not give to you…"

"Like what?"

"You're going to want to get married and have children. It's inevitable. You might not want these things now, but you will. I guarantee it. And I'm going to be completely honest with you. I have three kids already, and that's more than enough for me. And I am never getting married again. Well…I guess I shouldn't slam the door on that one. But after watching my ex-husband waste his life away in front of the television set screaming at football all Sunday afternoon instead of spending time with his kids, I don't ever want to experience that again. Not to say that you will do that. But it was enough aggravation to last me ten lifetimes. Enough to prevent me from ever entertaining another trip down the aisle. And that is something that will eventually come to grow resentment between us. And, as sad as it is, I'd still prefer to end on a happy note, like we are right now."

And so we did.

I left after that weekend and returned a few more times for a visit here and there. Eventually, time marched forward and we began down the new paths that God had designed for us to go.

A few times here and there, after my new job grew increasingly unsatisfactory, I would entertain the thought of returning and lamented my decision to leave both a city I enjoyed very much and a person I cared deeply about for a hometown with friends I rarely saw anymore and a job that sucked horribly.

But in the long run, I don't regret the way things turned out and can appreciate the current station of my life while being genuinely happy for that woman and the positive trajectory her life has taken. Last I checked she had been with the same guy for a shade under a decade and they were engaged. One of the things that helps me rest easy at night is knowing that there is not an ounce of bitterness within that stirs when I see her happy with someone who is not me.

Not a lot of guys can say things like that.

Celine Song's movie begins with two children that grow up together for a brief period, maybe until they reach about 8 years old. A boy (Hae Sung) and a girl (Nora) form an inseparable bond. They walk to and from school together, play on the playgrounds, hold hands, and are goofy in special ways that only best friends can understand.

Then Nora's mother mentions to Hae Sungs that their family is emigrating to Canada and suddenly the friendship is broken up by 1,500 miles of land and sea. The kids lose touch for 12 years until the advent of social media. FaceTime calls commence and curiosity rears its head in their direction. They reconnect as adults and begin to call each other several times a day. Toying with the notion of orchestrating a rendezvous.

Nora's character traits from childhood of ambition and drive carry over into adulthood and she begins to see the futile future with Hae Sung as a detriment to progress and decides to put a temporary halt to their friendship once again.

"But why? Don't you enjoy our phone calls?" Hae Sung asks.

"Yes. Very much. But I can't get anything done in terms of winning a Pulitzer prize if I'm wasting all my time looking at flights to Seoul."

Hae Sung understands and accepts this second closure with little visible signs of sadness and no bitterness. Time marches forward once again and Nora gets married and ends up living a moderately successful life with a writer in the East Village neighborhood of Manhattan. Life is happy and constant and things seem to be where they should.

And then Hae Sung comes to New York for a visit.

It is their first time seeing one another for over 20 years.

Rather than spoil the rest, I will simply state that the merry-go-round of emotions between Hae Sun and Nora and the complexities of dealing with her current husbands' acceptance of a childhood sweetheart breach upon their marriage was woven beautifully.

I had never heard of nor seen Greta Lee or Teo Yoo before but they were terrific in their roles. John Magaro, I saw in The Big Short and The Many Saints of Newark, but don't remember his roles much as I didn't care for those films. Despite this, I thought the chemistry between this unlikely trio was amazing. Greta Lee and Teo Yoo's in particular. The way that they were able to dialogue and tip-toe along the fragile emotions of respect and acceptance felt so organic that it was hard to believe they weren't off-screen sweethearts.

I found it very hard to believe that this was Celine Song's first feature film after I looked up the credits on IMDB as she knocked this one way out of the park. Her writing was subtly brilliant with a tricky story that was delivered flawlessly. I loved the photography and thought the score was borderline symphonic.

Before I began this review I was dead set on four stars. But, as they say, "the flesh doesn't lie." Based upon the overwhelming flood of ASMR tingles going down my spine as I write this, I shall appropriately upgrade.

Bravo.

A real gem.

Stars: *****

Verdict: Watch

Cousins: Sideways, American Beauty, Magnolia, Chungking Express, 2046