Annie Hall-Woody Allen

OK, I stand corrected, and will outright spoil the ending of this revue by admitting that I enjoyed Annie Hall and do recommend it as a view.

Following the scathing diatribe I wrote after watching Manhattan, I felt that Annie Hall and Woody merited some honest words that were positive, to prove that I watch movies absent of a begrudging set of eyes.

And so, Annie Hall was very good.

It was innovative, spunky, relatable, interesting, and written brilliantly.

After reading a bit into the background of this film, I know that Woody wasn't too crazy about the result. But when, as a writer, are you ever completely satisfied with the finished product after it hits the shelves? I know that there are around 4-5 retreads of Broad Street Tully floating around out there after I went back to Amazon to fix a few grammatical snafu's. And I'm sure that if I were to re-read it again from start to finish that I would find even more paragraphs or words in need of a mulligan.

I know Annie Hall is categorized as a comedy, but I didn't find myself chuckling too often at the scenes, and more or less saying to myself "aww shit, I remember that exact same thing happening to me."

When Alvy sneezed into the coke, yeah, that was funny. And when he orders alfalfa sprouts and a plate of mashed yeast at the Los Angeles restaurant—that was pretty clever. But I didn't really absorb it in the end as a comedy, or even a romantic comedy like When Harry Met Sally, but more of a drab reaction to the fairy tale romance films Hollywood was churning out.

I can visually picture Woody/Alvy saying to himself, "Hmmm, these are cute takes. But I cannot relate to any of this happy-go-lucky hogwash. Let me show them how its like in real life." And to his credit, he hit the nail on the head. I have had multiple relationships in the past that experienced the same roller coaster peaks and valleys as Annie and Alvy did. The stops were practically identical. Romance would skyrocket from the honeymoon phase and I felt like I could walk on water. All of my problems receded and every moment spent together—both through sex and mundane activities—was full of embrace and laughter. But unestablished parameters were breached or idiosyncratics that I used to love grew to become annoying and we would part ways. A slice of time would pass and the walls we fortified to forget one another would crumble and we would rekindle the romance just like Alvy and Annie did-only to inevitably finalize this next chapter of our lives that we knew should never have been written in the first place with an epilogue.

"Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times and then it goes over."

-Seinfeld (Season 9, Episode 2, "The Voice")

The post game filler relationships after I tried to move on were even more accurately portrayed by Woody as he pitifully attempts to recreate the lobster fiasco with a girlfriend that has no sense of humor to the situation.

Been there, done that.

As much as I wished that my next mate would be an upgraded version of my previous flame, it simply wasn't so. Human beings are far more intricate than automobiles, no matter how deep our desire is for them to act in cadence with what our wishes may be.

In the immediacy of the moment they never measure up to what we once had.

The man in the movie line also served as a relatable conduit to know-it-all's and one-uppers who suffer from diarrhea of the mouth and love to provide unsolicited opinions to people that could care less as a means of aggrandizing their less-than-flattering status in life. Perhaps it speaks to where I spend the bulk of my time in social settings—and that I am in desperate need of an upgrade—but it seems as if this type of self-deluded aficionado is most frequent at the bar during sports contests. Especially during the NFL draft, when every dipshit that wrote sports columns for their High School newspaper turns into Mel Kiper.

"Hmmm, an outside linebacker? Curious choice. The talent is there, but the need speaks louder in other areas. I personally would have went with a center. You know, based on the sack count that (insert QB) experienced last year due to his immobility, its obvious to the observant eye that they need the protection. I'd give it a B-."

Or, in the stands of wrestling events, where the marks who talk shit on Dave Meltzer and his rating system proceed to give their appropriation of stars at the conclusion of every match.

"Cody needs to add some darker tones to his character if he ever wants to rise above being a mid-carder. He's never going to get over with that pretty-boy All-America gimmick. Him and Sammy put up a hell of a fight in that ladder match though. He showed some grit and they worked the crowd pretty solid. I would've liked to have seen some more versatility on the mat though. They don't always need to go for the extreme stuff. That's why AEW can't compete with the WWE. Having said that though, 4 stars."

And finally, any number of armchair ball-reps in the crowd at a PBA tournament.

"Are these guys blind or do they just not see where the transition is shifting towards? E.J. and Marshall need to get out of urethane and find something with more tilt. Maybe leap to the outside portion of the lane and try and establish a track out there to avoid standing in front of the ball return. Otherwise, they'll be back to bowling the rabbit squads in no time."

I sigh reading these paraphrased noise pollutants that stay tattooed in my brain and am actually jealous of Alvy having to deal with the uber-intellectual behind him overly-dissecting film. The cinephile breed seems to be dying a slow death and I have yet to meet anyone in person who has seen 8 1/2 (let alone knows who Felini is).

But I get the point and do my best to avoid falling into that category myself. These reviews are indeed self-indulgent, but at least I have the decency of respect and keep them restricted to an online forum rather than assaulting some unsuspecting disinterested victim who is simply trying to be polite by placating me with a listening ear.

Nah, that shit ain't never happened to me…

And another thing about Annie Hall herself….

Diane Keaton….

Now, it is beneath me to ever take a dip into the pool of hypocrisy, as I have decried several times what social media platforms have turned into: PG-13 jack-off reels. But I couldn't help but fawn over Annie as a character several times. It got to the point that I had to remind myself that Annie is not real. But, I don't know, the way she submits to the nervous tension in the air during her impromptu meeting with Alvy in the tennis club lobby, and summates her befuddled tongue with "la-de-da, la-de-da, la-la," combined with an outfit only rivaled by Shannyn Sossamon's Lauren in The Rules of Attraction. I just found it extremely difficult not to become infused.

La-de-dah indeed Diane Keaton.

You see, when Woody backs off of the teenage relationship fantasies, he has the capabilities of creating some great work. Some people may find his neurosis amusing—or, in the case of Larry David, inspiring—but for me it's only irritating. The guy that maintains his allegiance to eccentricities despite the obvious discomfort it causes others usually finds himself living a lonely existence. I've been around that type who turns mundane activities like going out to eat into a huge dilemma, or gets bent out of shape because someone isn't as punctual as they may be, or makes slanderous remarks in the open because someone may have different tastes than they do. And its fucking annoying.

But to each they own. It seemed to work out OK for both Woody and Larry and served as the vehicle to catapult them into comedic demigods within the Hollywood community, so why change now if that is actually them?

Anyways, great film. I'm now open to more Woody Allen films.

Stars: ****

Verdict: Watch

Cousins: Sideways, When Harry Met Sally, Leaving Las Vegas, The Bridges of Madison County, Crazy Heart